We've all seen the handmade horrors that are matching knitted cable jumpers for the whole family and yes, they did indeed leave us feeling slightly disturbed. But why on earth stop at your family? There's furniture needs covering!
Erika Knight's Simple Knits with a Twist: Unique Project for Creative Knitters book promises you all kind of 180s on your usual knitting patterns. It does feature some very lovely patterns indeed, such as a beaded silk scarf and a patchwork throw.
There's also this worrying cabled chair. Now imagine a whole cable-jumpered family, and possibly their dog in a similar outfit, relaxing around said piece of fibre-covered furniture while enjoying an episode of Country File.
I'd recommend a cup of hot sweet tea and a look through the latest Knitty to combat the shock.
They're everywhere. And they're multiplying. The unfinished objects are lurking in the shadows of your stash, languishing in the depths of forgotten project bags, weeping quietly in the corners of your carrier bag full of 'to do later'. It's sad. It's sinister. It's your stitching shame and it is about time you did something about it.
Save your sad and shameful UFOs with the help of those lovely gals at Prick Your Finger as their UFO Project Administration Service sweeps across the nation righting knitted wrongs and finishing the previously unfinishable.
They want you to help complete Planet Earth's UFOs. The UFOs are posted on their blog. Some are 'waiting' for a kind knitter to take them in and complete them, and some have been 'taken'. Adopt 'Floppy Blue Saturn', give some love to 'Purple Rowan Thing' or get stitching the slightly sinister 'Red Wave from the Past' (pictured above).
Leave comments on the blog, or to book a UFO or send in your own horror drop them an email and watch the magic knitwork do its stuff.
You're invited to "Take chances, make choices, tell stories, imagine the possibilities, and connect to the bottom draw of other knitters across the globe." An offer no knitter can refuse if us soldiers of the stitch are ever going to take over the world. Sign up now.
You don't have to go typically horror to horrify with your look this Halloween. Lucky for you some of Hollywood's brightest stars have done the work for you. Us crafty folks know that garments of loveliness can be created in the comfort of your own home and that handcrafted crochet, knit or sewn items can be ever so lovely.
So what on earth is Hollywood thinking?
Oh Cate Blanchett, you look as if you have been attacked by a evil clown. Granny squares are all very well draped over your knees when you're a bit chilly but you don't wear them when you're most likely to be papped. One of my favourite sites, What Not to Crochet agree heartily.
And if crochet wasn't enough our knitting and sewing candidates are just as scary. Casting director Robi Reed-Humes does dubious things for the knitted dress cause, and actress Victoria Rowell's Obama dress goes to show why some fabric should be possibly left in the haberdashery.
Oh the handmade horror...
Fido: four-legged friend, companion on long rambling country walks, eater of food that falls on the floor, barker at postmen, provider of yarn...eh?
I'm all for keeping your own alpaca if you have the acres. I think it's fine to have a hutch of carrot-munching angora bunnies lined up if that's your thing. Purling from your pooch though, I'd have to say it isn't an idea that strikes me as tempting. I have smelt several pungent hounds after they've rolled in 'something' and the idea of wearing a garment lovingly spun from their fur leaves me feeling itchy at the thought.
Lucky for spinners like Doreen A. Kelly, a yarn spinner from West Seneca in the shiny state of New York, some people don't have the hound hair hang up. Doreen reckons she's spun 20-30 different breeds of dog fur, and she has exhibited her skills at many a fibre fair.
You can see the whole story in this article for the Buffalo News. Maybe Doreen can help change your mind and you'll be out shearing your shitzu to beat the credit crunch before you know it.
Not sure I'll be joining you.
Sometimes craft goes a little off-plan. A wonky hem here. A dropped stitch there. A slightly sinister teddy bear with one eye higher than the other. It has happened to us all. We pass it off as 'that handmade look' and sidle quietly away while the receiver of said gift pretends to look as if they're ever so pleased.
Well there's slightly sinister craft and then there's craft that is so very wrong that if you were to create it in your house you would lock it in a draw, staple that draw shut, sell your house and move abroad under an assumed name just to get away from it.
And that is where Regretsy comes in.
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People seem to be jumping on the yarnstorming (or yarnbombing for those with more warlike leanings) bandwagon with wild abandon these days. I'm all for a bit of graffiti knit in the greyness of the chilly concrete city. However I'm not too sure about this.
A group called Sundogs were commissioned by Inverness Old Town Art to get crafty with their city and turn a few heads. Possibly with this one there'll be whole bodies spinning in their graves.
Still if you feel the pressing need to cover a tombstones in a bit of the knit you can find the pattern online and have a go yourself. Just don't come running to us when the zombies come for vengeance, ok?
Placing a pair of eyes, a nose, and some teeth on the face of your furry knitted friend can be a surprisingly horrifying experience. It is no mere matter of eyes either side of the nose, and teeth below it. The wrong eye colour, the wrong distance between the teeth, and you can end up staring into the face of a twitchy wild-eyed psycho chipmunk instead of the beauteous beaver you intended.
Knitting the body of a toy should be the hard part. After all those M1s and K2togs you should be left with something that resembles the toy you wish to create in some way. It is just missing the little features that will bring the beast to life. Putting a face on the thing at the end with a tapestry needle and a couple of different colours should be as easy as falling off a log, yes? Well no.
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