A good fry up is enough to salve any hangover and make you feel one with the world once more. Throw a couple of runny eggs, a sausage or two, and their oil-fried friends into a pan, bung a few tomato halves under the grill and voila! Breakfast for kings.
To celebrate the good old English Fry Up I've managed to track down this Bacon and Egg Hat and Handbag knitting pattern from your old Pal, Jackie magazine published in 1979.
If you've ever been tempted to wear your deep-fried love about your person and weren't sure how then now's your chance.
Wearing a couple of slices of fried bread as earrings is optional.
Doing the rounds of the knitted nightmare wear I feel I can proudly turn you in the direction of another website that helps you find fashion no-nos that remind us that sometimes it best to reel in your desire to cover everything in craft.
Poorly Dressed is a site where the fashion that should never been seen surfaces.
Knitters may want to look away or at least steel themselves with a strong drink before taking a look at the scary stitched contributions to the world of fashion. Witness this brightly coloured knitted punk balaclava gimp suit or wonder at this jumper that makes you look like you've been caught in an explosion in the Muppet factory.
And Hello Kitty fans that sew may feel that Goodbye Kitty is more apt in some cases.
Enjoy and let this be a lesson to you overzealous handmakers.
Craft failure: we've all been there. The 'thing' in your crafty hands is an aberration and nothing like the pretty project you had in your head. When you think about it though is there really anything wrong with what you make? If it's handcrafted and you've put your time and love into it surely it deserves a little adoration, right?
These were precisely the thoughts of crafter Kim Werker when she created something hideous at a craft party one fateful day. It was a release from the bonds of trying to make something pretty, prissy and perfect. She loved that freedom so much she wanted to share and thus Mighty Ugly was born.
Werker encourages you to "Take an hour or two and say SCREW IT to trying to make something pretty. Go out of your way to create something hideous."
It's become something of a eye-squintingly yucky craft movement. You can send your submissions along to the blog, stick your ugly offering on their Flickr group or just hop along to the blog and read all about the ugly of others.
Ugly is the new cool. Love it.
We've all seen the handmade horrors that are matching knitted cable jumpers for the whole family and yes, they did indeed leave us feeling slightly disturbed. But why on earth stop at your family? There's furniture needs covering!
Erika Knight's Simple Knits with a Twist: Unique Project for Creative Knitters book promises you all kind of 180s on your usual knitting patterns. It does feature some very lovely patterns indeed, such as a beaded silk scarf and a patchwork throw.
There's also this worrying cabled chair. Now imagine a whole cable-jumpered family, and possibly their dog in a similar outfit, relaxing around said piece of fibre-covered furniture while enjoying an episode of Country File.
I'd recommend a cup of hot sweet tea and a look through the latest Knitty to combat the shock.
They're everywhere. And they're multiplying. The unfinished objects are lurking in the shadows of your stash, languishing in the depths of forgotten project bags, weeping quietly in the corners of your carrier bag full of 'to do later'. It's sad. It's sinister. It's your stitching shame and it is about time you did something about it.
Save your sad and shameful UFOs with the help of those lovely gals at Prick Your Finger as their UFO Project Administration Service sweeps across the nation righting knitted wrongs and finishing the previously unfinishable.
They want you to help complete Planet Earth's UFOs. The UFOs are posted on their blog. Some are 'waiting' for a kind knitter to take them in and complete them, and some have been 'taken'. Adopt 'Floppy Blue Saturn', give some love to 'Purple Rowan Thing' or get stitching the slightly sinister 'Red Wave from the Past' (pictured above).
Leave comments on the blog, or to book a UFO or send in your own horror drop them an email and watch the magic knitwork do its stuff.
You're invited to "Take chances, make choices, tell stories, imagine the possibilities, and connect to the bottom draw of other knitters across the globe." An offer no knitter can refuse if us soldiers of the stitch are ever going to take over the world. Sign up now.
You don't have to go typically horror to horrify with your look this Halloween. Lucky for you some of Hollywood's brightest stars have done the work for you. Us crafty folks know that garments of loveliness can be created in the comfort of your own home and that handcrafted crochet, knit or sewn items can be ever so lovely.
So what on earth is Hollywood thinking?
Oh Cate Blanchett, you look as if you have been attacked by a evil clown. Granny squares are all very well draped over your knees when you're a bit chilly but you don't wear them when you're most likely to be papped. One of my favourite sites, What Not to Crochet agree heartily.
And if crochet wasn't enough our knitting and sewing candidates are just as scary. Casting director Robi Reed-Humes does dubious things for the knitted dress cause, and actress Victoria Rowell's Obama dress goes to show why some fabric should be possibly left in the haberdashery.
Oh the handmade horror...
Fido: four-legged friend, companion on long rambling country walks, eater of food that falls on the floor, barker at postmen, provider of yarn...eh?
I'm all for keeping your own alpaca if you have the acres. I think it's fine to have a hutch of carrot-munching angora bunnies lined up if that's your thing. Purling from your pooch though, I'd have to say it isn't an idea that strikes me as tempting. I have smelt several pungent hounds after they've rolled in 'something' and the idea of wearing a garment lovingly spun from their fur leaves me feeling itchy at the thought.
Lucky for spinners like Doreen A. Kelly, a yarn spinner from West Seneca in the shiny state of New York, some people don't have the hound hair hang up. Doreen reckons she's spun 20-30 different breeds of dog fur, and she has exhibited her skills at many a fibre fair.
You can see the whole story in this article for the Buffalo News. Maybe Doreen can help change your mind and you'll be out shearing your shitzu to beat the credit crunch before you know it.
Not sure I'll be joining you.
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